it was good

It was good. It was not perfect. It's hard to grasp this reality. When God created, it was not a static, stale, stable state of life. Perfect is not the description used. Theologians came up with that one. The poetry of the pronouncement is, "And God said... and it was good". The conflict within me is reminded of this impressive reality that heaven on earth was good. Perfection would definitively limit man's free will. Perfect choice. Our story is far from it. Choices that lead us into unimaginable pain. And if we are created in the IMAGE of God, free choice lingers in this equation, a deeply moving reality. The result was a Man who had likeness to God but lacked the perfection of the Holy Creator-engulfing both perfection and creative hands. A deep thought for another time.

tombstones with words

I visited with a friend for well over 2 weeks ago. I have been chewing more and more on something he left for me to think about. The suggestion that someone had cursed me with his words. Quite honestly I had never given this a second thought. Today, I am more convinced that words leave wounds and can even bind us because of the power of spoken verbiage. One might wonder how this is possible considering the mystical implications of such thought, however, I am not eluding to a mystical realm. It is more obvious to me today that the words I speak can grid lock another human being from being who they were called to be. I know I replay the scenarios in my mind so often that they become the landscape for my living day to day. "I'm good at this because such and such said so", "I'm horrible at this because so and so said so." Unfortunately that is the tame version. There is a whole other aspect of this that may even involve public humiliation or humiliation around a dining room table. I must say, this could easily turn legalistic however, I am not treading on those lines today. God spoke and worlds were created. Spoken to life. Speak life. I am reflective on the very physical reality that in certain situations now, I will shake physically because of what has happened to me in the past. One man's words can destroy your journey. I once heard a man say, "It's dependent on whether we allow words to have that much power". Part of me agrees. The cursed part of me says it doesn't matter how much we try to deflect words, they can damn well kill a part of our soul whether we like it or not. Restricted by a spoken word. I have no hard and firm evidence of this except my life experience and one might say you're screwed up anyway so impossible to make a case on this matter. I can accept that. But Jesus talked about loosing and binding. Lot's to do with speech and freedom that can allow us to bring heaven and earth together. I can't deny what is going on within me. What I can do is figure out how to unbind these chains of broken records playing in my head. I have a feeling that life spoken back into me is a start-and believing that seems so distant. Time for some investigation on the matter. I really enjoyed that conversation because it gave me insight into something I had never thought of before. Words can kill like sticks and stones. So long ago Wes King wrote a song like that. "One time or another, everyone I know, has taken a beating from these sticks and stones-words with sharp edges, hurled at the heart, tongues of fire they just tear you apart-sticks and stones and condescending tones, that bruise my spirit and break my bones, read these tomb stones, cause of death unknown, words that kill are these sticks and stones. I must admit my skin in thin, words like this can make my heart cave in..."

a moment

I couldn't sleep last night. There is much on my mind. So I was in and out of the world of sleep with words floating through each moment. Here's what hit me.

Pass-we are all trying to pass in life. We long to get through trials and temptations and have someone grade us. Life has no grades however. But as we pass through this life, we are given glimpses into the window of God's image. Paul describes it as a veil lifted away and we are changed into HIS glorious image. Passing through this journey-with the unyielding purpose of passing reconciliation on to every person we know, family, friends, lovers-all with the intent purpose to declare LOVE WINS.

Compass-we are all looking for direction in life. A compass is a symbol of this distinct need for clarity and for us to find a way. To no longer be left alone-a compass leads us to someone. The communal aspect of this leading is lovely. I believe it to be a compass of God's voice-listening through the language and beauty and art and relationships-learning to find direction. Of late, my compass seems to be spinning, continually being flicked in a joking manner-just as I find a pathway, someone flicked the compass. I am thankful for the Bible-I used to tell students that it is a compass-for many this is true-God's word comes alive in a mysterious way-in a moment of desperation-in a hotel room-in a closet-it brings life and the purpose of the compass is to declare LOVE WINS.

Come-an invitation. Nothing more declares an invitation than COME IN or COME HERE. An element of command with a beauty of eloquent invitation of the most hospitable and gentlemanly manner. Quite a lovely word of life-declaring the with a clear motive-LOVE WINS.

Passion-a declaration through action and word, the emotion of the soul that whatever it is we are doing in life is being done with all of our heart. There is no holding back-it's full guns-full on-fully charged. And in the moments of silence, it is passion that brings us to life and the declaration that LOVE WINS is proved in human passion-and somewhere in this ETERNITY time we are living in, passion is the glue that holds life together. Religion misuses this word, business models fail with misuse of this word. Passion is living life to the full and only the solitude of the human heart can unleash such deep emotion and such deep purpose.

Put the words together.
Come Pass Passion Compass--------they morph into COMPASSION--------
The HEART is a deep well. I had a friend tell me yesterday that I had a beautiful heart. I needed to hear that. It's been unwelcome in the church and crushed in a moment. There are men out there who have opportunity-responsibility to harness the beauty of the heart. Instead they rely on intelect and stroked ego and their own kingdom being built. And instead of living COMPASSIONATELY, a push away forces a separation and claim that they are not wired that way and the beauty of God's image is not found-instead the ugly arises-and broken hearts are left in the ruin of a deserted graveyard. Careless. Human carelessness. Declared as Christ likeness actually is the furthest thing from it.

And we look at our compass to find a shape that fits this longing for the declaration that LOVE WINS. Despite the brokenness and despite the graveyard there is a hunger and thirst for freedom...to give away...to pass on...to come...to passionately cry out...to find our way to LOVE.

That shape we long for is Christ...humans-with the capacity to love deeply and destroy deepness. Today in this moment, I want LOVE to win.

looking up a mountain climb

It's beautiful. Where I live, it's beautiful. I am typing this blog looking up a mountain. It's what my backyard is made of. I think the journey over this past year and a half has seemed like I have been looking up a mountain, attempting a climb and feeling absolutely spent and overwhelmed. Yet even as I type, there is something inside of me that is waking up. The many experiences over the years have left me feeling incompetent as a leader or just one of those guys who is great at support but not so great at just leading. I am thankful for the past months of climbing a mountain. Facing obstacles. Looking over a cliff and wondering if this ledge is going to hold. Hands cracked and bleeding and dry. Feet aching. Muscles being discovered that I thought I never had. Tears falling because of ache. A feeling of accomplishment because of a part of the mountain conquered.
Someone gave me the chance to discover who I am. They didn't shame me. In a new profession that is demanding in a fallen economy, I am standing, but not alone. Through every part of the journey, another person has been there to cheer me on. My wife, my kids, and friends. People who genuinely care. And maybe the climb has less to do with the individual effort and more to do with the communal cheer leading that happens as a result of love and compassion. And the whisper of a voice who calls through all the muddled thoughts and emotions-His voice is unmistakable. Looking up the mountain, it's just a little bit clearer. He's waiting at the top, he's in the valley and in the rocky terrain. Mysteriously, the climb has a presence that is unmistakable and so near. Thank you Lord. And for the cheerleaders, thank you. For the voices that were downers throughout the journey, as painful as it was to hear you, I know there was a point, and maybe the point wasn't about me; it was about you and what you were going through; there is a freedom in watching those tears fall over the cliff into nothingness. It's beautiful...even when I am so broken I can't keep going...it's beautiful.

There will be a day...

a bad day

I've had many bad days.  Today was no exception. I'm too busy, I'm tired, I haven't had a good night's rest in months.  I'm enjoying my job, it's fulfilling.  But I am dead inside. I feel like I have had my soul raped.  I feel like something has been stolen from me and I tried to fight off the thief, or fight off the assailant, but to no avail, they were too strong and I was not able to fight.  Dead inside.  I feel yucky.  Maybe I need a vacation.  I've moved. I've changed careers.  I have left behind 12 years of doing the same thing for a whole new learning curve.  I'm irritated with myself.  I'm irritated with the injustice.  I have thoughts of "what does it matter!"  I am sick of the way people treat each other.  I'm angry and have a distinct displeasure of this world.  I wonder how many others feel this angst.  This ongoing battle inside sometimes lacks a proper word description.  All I can say is this bad day is longer than a day.  I feel like I have a hangover and I can't get this ache out of my soul.  

No Rhyme No Reason Just Relationship

The only words that comes to mind are messy-tangled-fluid. Every time I think of this life and relationships, I think the more I try to control them, the more illusive they are. The Lord Jesus Christ has written words that describe not only a historical aspect of His life on earth, but also a storyline of intersections with many people. Sometimes I imagine journal upon journal discovered of His disciples intersections. I can only imagine this being so invigorating. A discovery of depth and an inspiration of reality. I think that the Bible is so much more rich with the reality that Christ's words transcend time and space and echo into this timeline and create mess. You heard right, mess. The neat and crisp lines that we draw in relationships are the imagination of what we term control. And every time control is assumed and oppression exists, the echo of a Creator who speaks and life happens, shakes us out of our slumber. Awakened to reality...the web...tangled relationships...unmeasured and uncontrolled...held by a God who loves, speaks, breathes in life...